"When we hurt and disappoint ourselves, we cannot help but do the same to others, especially those we try to have intimate relationships with, or close friendships. There are countless ways of "not showing up for our self". We dismiss our needs because we are socially programmed to numb out. We normalize being critically out of balance".
(message scribbled in crayon, after watching a counselor speak out on a famed talk show)
Ok, I just read that and glazed over. When you come from "survival mode", glazing over is what happens when anyone talks about needs, balance and intimacy. Let's face it, this kind of talk borders on the ridiculous when you come from a place of just trying to survive.
Instead, it's easier to relate to confusing relationships, working too much or not working at all, perfectionism, raging, alcohol, substance, being sick, food binges, technology buzzing, retail therapy, gambling, pornography, sexually acting out, isolating, and creating drama. These are better known as the familiar and typical ways of coping with daily living.
Predictably, sheer hell follows after a leap into these habits, yet that hell is easily forgotten -sort of like the movie "Groundhog Day". Once done, it's like it never happened and the same scenario stays on repeat, playing like brand new.
Ok, I just read that and glazed over. When you come from "survival mode", glazing over is what happens when anyone talks about needs, balance and intimacy. Let's face it, this kind of talk borders on the ridiculous when you come from a place of just trying to survive.
Instead, it's easier to relate to confusing relationships, working too much or not working at all, perfectionism, raging, alcohol, substance, being sick, food binges, technology buzzing, retail therapy, gambling, pornography, sexually acting out, isolating, and creating drama. These are better known as the familiar and typical ways of coping with daily living.
Predictably, sheer hell follows after a leap into these habits, yet that hell is easily forgotten -sort of like the movie "Groundhog Day". Once done, it's like it never happened and the same scenario stays on repeat, playing like brand new.
And notice how quickly one hazy decision rapidly leads to another - from numbing out on a junkfood/TV binge gateways to "wine night" which turns into a retail therapy hunt for something that fits, resulting in impulse buys that max the credit card. Wine night then turns into "souse lousing" (overindulging to block out the newly added financial debt) which springboards into a blackout with toxic specimens offering substances that ensure coma type delirium. The end result is waking up in horror to stranger danger whom apparently, in the name of love, is moving in their belongings. Predictably, a restraining order follows while wallowing in isolation and shame, trying to reason away the foggy events.
As bad as all this is, the self inflicted drama does have an effective purpose. It provides a swampy distraction from doing inner work. The question being "what is it that I do not want to feel nor deal with"?
As bad as all this is, the self inflicted drama does have an effective purpose. It provides a swampy distraction from doing inner work. The question being "what is it that I do not want to feel nor deal with"?
A jolt of reality: "Toxic habits are not who we are, they are learned ways of coping".
That message isn't easily grasped, after a life identity has been built on being "a nervous wreck of broke, battered and raggedy". This type of inner belief is not easily transformed, to the point where perishing in the bulrushes actually seems more appealing than embracing The Unknown.
When "change" has been just another crisis in disguise, not rocking the boat seems safe. The catch is "safe" often means feeling like crap and being chronically uncomfortable.
When is it worth a quick surface from the swamp to glance at "what could be"?
For me, surfacing occurs when just one reasonable brain-cell remains. By then it seems worth considering giving up a sliver of drama...for a sliver of "peace".
Even when "peace" is foreign territory, the miracle lies in considering life outside the toxic haze...and then becoming curious enough to find out...
That message isn't easily grasped, after a life identity has been built on being "a nervous wreck of broke, battered and raggedy". This type of inner belief is not easily transformed, to the point where perishing in the bulrushes actually seems more appealing than embracing The Unknown.
When "change" has been just another crisis in disguise, not rocking the boat seems safe. The catch is "safe" often means feeling like crap and being chronically uncomfortable.
When is it worth a quick surface from the swamp to glance at "what could be"?
For me, surfacing occurs when just one reasonable brain-cell remains. By then it seems worth considering giving up a sliver of drama...for a sliver of "peace".
Even when "peace" is foreign territory, the miracle lies in considering life outside the toxic haze...and then becoming curious enough to find out...
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