Toad in the Road

"I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out" - David Sedaris

Have you crawled, scratched and worked tirelessly to get off of an exhausting, unhappy path, only to have specimens within your swamp circle try to thwart your efforts? When all your hard work pays off and a victorious leap out of a toxic hop is achieved, does the celebration bog down? Just how does this happen? Playing dumb and pretending like it's not happening works. Shelving Zen moments for drama, works great too. This sends a hazy message that it's okay for a sabotaging toad to block all exits that lead to healthy change.

Let's face it, most of the swamp circle are not going along for an enlightenment adventure and won't begin meditating anytime soon. Most are basically "good with" staying sick, scared, hurt or unhappy as long as everybody else is. The fuzzy norm is basically "either we're all happy or no one's happy and if one is pissed off, then everybody better get pissed off". That's the part of change that gets glossed over - the mud wrestle with the non participants. Is their permission required? Of course it's not - providing one has the energy to quest for new swampmates and maybe even a new "fam". Not everyone wants "to self reflect" on the same day of the week, if ever.

A saboteur is typically someone with whom we share history and has an unchecked ego. It's easy to get sunken back in when dealing with the familiar toad. However, things don't stay "easy" for long - in no time at all, the old familiar pain follows. The saboteur's sees the "pain" they've inflicted as necessary, to ensure the status quo is resumed. Once one tries to either retreat, protest or defend their newly found wholesome stance, it is simply blamed on "a difficult personality". Here the saboteur blinks a bulging eye in boredom, refusing to engage in "your new bounce".

Nobody likes "the gig" to change if it's going to cramp their hop. Swamp specimens get wild when a member changes the mission. They either up the toxic behaviour, ignore all attempts at sane interaction, appear peacefully dormant then attack unpredictably or revert to the tried and true "divide and conquer".

The toad road blockade grows more powerful the harder one tries to exit a poisonous path. Many surrender out of sheer weariness from the lack of swamp support. Saying no to the toad in the road is about saving self, not about trying to keep the peace. After a series of mud rolls, finding the exit to a more meaningful and joyful path tends to get easier. And usually, one curious participant cautiously supports the exit - an optimistic turtle more afraid of staying than leaving.